notice: long post ahead.
have you ever wonder?
if you were to narrate your whole life out as a story.
will it be a nice one?
will you say, 'i've done a good job, the choices i make, the step i take it have all been worth it and worth while'
will you be able to say that?
will you say, 'i regretted taking this chance, i should have think before doing anything, it was wrong for me to hurt this person. i should not have rush'
which would you say?
none if the above?
why not try,
'goodness, the first half of my life have been a mess! i should not have done what i did. but as for my second half, it was great. leading a good life, leading a decent life. took the right step, made the right decisions'
i would say mine is the 3rd choice.
cause when i met God, my life changed.
like, 180 degree.
well, my life before was not all about drinking and smoking clubbing and stuff, i mean come on i'm only 17!
and not that i am veryyy old, that i can look back my years. but from childhood, up till now?
life was never a 'mess' for me, i don't drink, club, smoke, or even scold vulgarities. but thats not the main point.
growing up in sunday school was also part of my life.
sang little christian songs.
attended sunday school with my cousins.
but soon faded away,
as i grow up.
i grow out of sunday school.
i grew too old for sunday school.
but everything changed, once i step out of sunday school
i was never happy, i was never who i am.
it have always been, like, a facade.
always living up to peoples expectations.
never being who i really am, because i was scared, fearful of being look down on. or even laughed at.
i've never wanted to be a follower, a person who is at the back.
i always want to be in the front, to lead to guide.
but i guess that thought have gotten into me, too much.
it turns ugly, everyone hated me.
but i could not show that i'm fearful or scared, all i could show is that strong headed, leader person i am.
never really willing to help people, cause i thought it was a chore, i could not find the joy in it at all. and i guess i was just too 'proud' to help.
people around me thought i lead a perfect life,
getting everything i want.
being anything i want.
trying anything i want.
thats true, i get everything i want, i get anything i want.
since i know, money is not a factor.
money is not a problem.
or, THE problem.
but i guess i took them without treasuring them.
in another words, took them for granted.
no idea what the word APPRECIATE is.
always had this weird awkward feeling inside me.
knowing that, this is who i'm not suppose to be.
my parents did not bring me up to be like this.
i've always shown them i'm a perfect child.
though also not so perfect in the sense of studies.
but, in terms of character and attitude.
i always greet people when i see them, always smile.
do what was taught.
never really knowing the 'true meaning' behind greetings and stuff.
my parents have never asked much of me,
what they want me to be is very simple actually.
be a good girl,
but i've never known or see the importance in them.
till one day,
when i went back to God.
the day i decided to give my life back to God,
live for Him,
work for Him,
glorify His name.
everything hits me back, since i was a young girl.
i'm who i am now.
i don't live up to men's desires anymore.
i live up to God's.
i miss my sunday school days, singing little christian songs.
though, i'm still strong headed about some stuff.
but well, i'm alright with them now.
though i still want to lead, someday i will.
i'll be a good follower now, learning.
my friends could tell the difference of the old a new me.
my pride dropped, for the better.
i'm really willing to help people now,
i even find the joy in helping others.
going the extra mile for my friends, or just people in need brings a smile to my own face.
i finally understood my parents.
i finally know what character and attitude it.
and living up to it as me, the person i am now.
with all that my parents ask for from me,
now i can give them more.
and they deserve it.
having patient parents is something priceless,
having parents itself is already priceless.
i've never worry about my finance before.
taking things for granted is something i'll never do.
having money is just one thing, but the things i can do with money is many.
i've learn how to appreciate things, not take them for granted.
and be glad with what i already own.
and, i finally know.
greeting someone older than me is something important, respect for the person.
but greeting them truthfully is something else.
i've never greeted people from me to them before,
it's always the because-i-have-to-so-i-must kind of mind set.
and people do feel it, they know it when things are of truth or not.
you may think, why make greeting such a big fuss.
but i guess,
do onto others what you want others to do onto you.
at the end of the day,
God kept His promises.
and He is the one who changed the whole of me.
what made me type this long long post out.
i've got no idea.
it's like 10:17am in the morning.